


their awfulness and strangeness

by claquesous



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Asexual Character, F/M, Gen, Genderqueer Character, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Queerplatonic Relationships, queer errbody, queerplatonic cuddling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 02:07:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2174001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/claquesous/pseuds/claquesous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blue is always wanting around her boys, and gasping without them. Orla gives her half-knowing, half-despising looks for it. Maura doesn’t even notice because she does the same thing with Calla and Persephone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. things i'll never say

**Author's Note:**

> Everybody's more or less polyromantic. Gansey is a straight panromantic demidude. Noah identifies as asexual, wtfromantic, and agender. Ronan is into masculine people, demiromantic, and mostly violently masculine but not necessarily male. Adam is bisexual, demiromantic, and nonbinary. Blue is also nonbinary, into masculine people, and panromantic.
> 
> Ronan and Noah have a cuddle-inclusive queerplatonic relationship going on.

Ronan sighs and rolls over. "Sit down, you creep," he scolds Noah.

Noah lies down on his back beside Ronan. "Are you ever gonna tell him?"

Ronan's quiet for a moment, then lets out a puff of air of a laugh. "Which one?"

Noah's eyebrows furrow momentarily. "Oh." He can feel Ronan's eyes boring into his cheek, and he meets his sharp friend's sharp gaze. Noah sees frustration there, defiance, and he sees how much Ronan envies Blue's hair-trigger emotional gauge.

"What exactly would you tell them?" Noah asks, as much for Ronan's benefit as his own curiosity.

Ronan rolls onto his back, feigning apathy. It’s pretty convincing, considering just how artificial it is. "Well, this one pretentious asshole who thinks the whole world is his to earn and won't fucking give anyone a break, especially himself, I'd tell him that I've been tearing out my nonexistent fucking hair over his unhappiness since I knew him well enough to recognize it." He fumes silently, and Noah aches with Ronan's powerlessness. "And this other codependent fuckwad who doesn't know how healthy relationships work”—he gives Noah a pointed coming-from-me look—“I'd tell his sacrilegious ass that he needs to lower his standards, because not even Richard Fucking Gansey III is gonna come close to fulfilling his overinflated sense of purpose." Ronan sighs. He looks like he’s let out most of his air, because his eyes no longer burn. "And there's this clingy kid who kinda floats around and he doesn't know how healthy relationships work either—I’d tell him that he’d better find a better battery or what the fuck ever and quit flickering out on me because his creepy-ass presence makes my creepy-ass home feel a whole lot more safe."

Noah smiles, wider than he has in a long time. He pushes their heads together on Ronan's singular pillow on his too-large bed and closes his eyes, listening to Ronan breathe until he thinks he's asleep. But then Ronan's gravelly voice comes, "You take those secrets to your grave, got it?"

Noah laughs and takes his hand, which is already starting to slacken with sleep.


	2. noah doesn't count (except he does)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ronan's running short on physical affection and Noah doesn't sleep.

Ronan can't sleep. He tosses onto his back restlessly and stares at the ceiling with eyes that spring back open the second he closes them, no matter how tired he feels. He turns back onto his side, trying to make Chainsaw materialize out of the wall of jet that is the complete darkness of his room. She's been asleep since the moment she settled down into her little nest on his nightstand. He doesn't want to spread his disease.

A noise startles him from the other side of the room. Ronan's eyes claw at the darkness where he knows the door is, even though he didn't hear it open.

"Noah?"

"You're awake."

"Yes," Ronan rolls his eyes. Noah will catch the spirit of the gesture in his voice.

Noah says nothing, shrewdly.

Ronan sighs loudly, but not too loudly. He's glad Noah's here, but it's not in him to embrace the emotion honestly enough to show it. However, he's not stupid enough to let his pride get in the way of what he wants, so he makes room and says, "Will you come here?"

Ronan feels the bed shiver and Noah's chill emanates from the empty side of the bed. Ronan curls an arm around his waist and pulls him closer, as gentle as he is with Chainsaw. Noah scoots back against him, back to chest. Ronan lets out a good sigh this time, and tucks his chin into Noah's hunched shoulder. Noah feels like the fresh side of a pillow all the time. Ronan rubs his scratchy face against Noah's neck affectionately, all his self consciousness gone. It might have something to do with the Noah-doesn't-count phenomenon. Being dead, and everything. Whatever. He still manages to count more than most real people to Ronan.

"Night," whispers Noah.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry these are so short. I've been writing them on my phone in the dark before I go to bed. Any ideas are welcome, especially in the Adam/Noah, Gansey/Noah, and Ronan/Blue categories.


	3. honest emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Ronan have a... breaththrough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I only realized this is in the wrong tense after I wrote it, sorry.

_You are unknowable, Ronan Lynch._

Adam hunched back against the wall, watching Ronan play intently with some result of an unspecific dream request. It was a box, transparent like the sphere of literal Cabeswater, but it changed colors every couple of hours, too slow to observe second to second. Ronan seemed to think it was something to be opened, unlike the sphere.

Abruptly Ronan put the cube on the mattress in front of him, looking calmly furious. Adam couldn’t say he’d ever seen anything quite like it.

“You can be angry, you know. It’s weird watching you restrain yourself. It’s not you.”

Ronan smiled sharply, but the curve of his lips was more amused than savage. “You said you didn’t like the ‘constant fury,’” he said.

Adam tried not to smile. “Just don’t turn other things into anger because you like it better.”

Ronan nodded once. He considered picking up the cube, and instead tossed it into his pile of a coat on the floor. He sat back against the wall beside Adam, their shoulders at the same height. They were pretty much the same size; Adam was taller and thinner, but Ronan was less wadded up.

“So all other emotions are good,” he confirmed. It was a question because of how little it sounded like one.

“All honest emotions are good,” Adam said.

Ronan took a breath and paid attention to it, then slid sideways to knock into Adam and catch the corner of his mouth in a sloppy kiss.

“Okay,” Adam said, sounding violently surprised. He’d moved to catch Ronan, who he’d thought was falling over, and Ronan’s papercut grin was staring up at him from his lap.

“ _All_ of them?” he prodded.

Adam stared back down at him, something he wouldn’t have done a year ago, or even an hour ago, when he still wasn’t 100% sure of how Ronan felt about him. It felt deliciously dangerous, and it amused Adam that danger could be delicious to him. Then again, it was Ronan.

Adam leaned over and kissed Ronan gently. Ronan responded gently, which struck Adam as unbearably lovely. It was a slow, bumbling kiss, that was more about each other than the actual kiss. Once the ringing in his ears that was _want want want_ died away, he straightened. Ronan’s eyes were the second pair to open, and he looked dazed.

“Yes, all of them,” Adam agreed. “That, for example, is far preferable to you storming out of here and robbing us both of proper sleep.”

Ronan smirked. “You expect proper sleep tonight?”

Adam shrugged shyly. “I didn’t want to assume.”

“Assume my ass,” Ronan cackled, and yanked Adam to his mouth by the shirt collar. This kiss was deeper, faster, scarier. Adam had to surface more quickly than he liked, but Ronan didn’t let him go far. “Lie down,” he said, breathing heavily.

Adam nodded in a daze, and aligned himself with Ronan. On a whim of bravery he yanked his shirt over his strong shoulders, and Ronan’s hands rose to meet this new skin, scorching up and down Adam’s sides and over his shoulders and down his chest and stomach. Adam shivered violently, already aching between his legs. He leaned down to kiss Ronan, who yanked the rest of his body down against his. Ronan groaned, and Adam pushed against him tentatively, lighting the noise of malcontent into a declaration of lust. Adam blushed, and was relieved when Ronan kissed him hard and eager, sparing him from self-consciousness. Why hadn’t he ever thought of that?

Adam pulled back with a wet grin, hands pinning Ronan’s shoulders. Ronan narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but somehow Adam knew that no matter what he did, Ronan wouldn’t resist. The thought intensified everything, not least of which his boner. He dug his nails into Ronan’s skin and brought his mouth right to the shell of Ronan’s ear. Ronan was humming restlessly, and Adam whispered, “Let me.” Ronan quieted curiously, and Adam’s mouth fluttered against his skin. He pressed his lips, his tongue, to Ronan’s throat. Not the side of his neck; his throat. He kissed it wetly, then bit it. Ronan’s grip at his hips tightened, and his hands wandered up Adam’s bare back. Adam began sucking and rolling the tender skin between his teeth, and Ronan chuckled, but couldn’t seem to keep himself still. He rocked under Adam’s body, and Adam held him tighter.

“Do you like people to know things are yours?” Ronan asked wryly, blunt nails digging into Adam’s back. “Shouldn’t surprise me,” he conceded.

Adam bit his throat especially hard, feeling the grunt in Ronan’s throat and chest. “Of course, I have so little to claim, and I’ve fought so hard for all of it.”

Ronan’s hands knotted in Adam’s sandy hair. “You don’t have to fight anymore,” he promised softly. “You never did, really. I was always yours.”

“And Gansey’s,” Adam pointed out.

Ronan shrugged, smirking. “In a different way, though. I never really felt the desperate need to pin him against a wall. I would have done it a long time ago.”

Adam kissed Ronan’s fucking wound—it was already nice and red—and kissed his mouth, just as deliciously red. “But you taste so much better now that I’ve got you.”

Ronan managed to preen pinned to the bed with Adam’s whole body. “I always tasted good, if you’d just taken a bite.” 

Adam laughed breathlessly. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m in love,” scoffed Ronan. “It comes with the territory.”

Adam could empathize with that. He kissed Ronan hard. He responded pliantly, which put a hot thrill low in Adam’s belly.

Abruptly he rolled off of Ronan to lie beside him. Ronan turned over to face him. “I kind of could use proper sleep tonight,” he admitted, “and I’ve gone about as far as I can in one night. Mind if we just sleep together?”

“That’s the idea,” Ronan smartassed.

Adam considered slapping him, which really didn’t help his boner.

Ronan smirked. “Sure.”

Adam sighed and nosed closer to kiss him, softly. “Thank you.”

“Please tell me you’re a big spoon,” Ronan said suddenly. “Noah is an awful big spoon.”

Adam burst out laughing. “Sure.” And even though his arm was completely asleep fifteen minutes later, he did rather enjoy breathing Ronan in and out and rubbing his nose against his prickly head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hot DAMN Ronan is a sub. That was a very happy accident.


	4. purple corn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan rescues Adam and Gansey accidentally usurps his finders-keepers privileges.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purple corn as in purple corn roan, not literal corn.

Gansey woke in the middle of the night, as per usual, but when he turned on the bedside lamp he remembered that Adam was sleeping right next to him, and froze. Adam didn’t stir; he was too tired and had evolved out of necessity the ability to sleep through anything. His eyes looked sunken and his cheek was blooming purple corn from the night before. Gansey wondered just how bad it had been for him to let Ronan pick him up. If the look on Ronan's face had been anything to go by, it had been pretty fucking bad. Gansey tried not to wonder why Adam had called Ronan and not Gansey. He tried not to wonder how he'd even gotten a hold of anyone to call for help.

Gansey turned the light back off after ten or fifteen minutes, and counted Adam's breaths into the thirties before he was asleep.

* * *

Adam opened his eyes to Gansey's soft blue eyes, and something about the look opened him up raw. He felt safe here, and he never wanted to leave, but he couldn't stay either.

"Morning," Gansey said gently. A soft smile made him glow a little in the morning light. Adam just closed his aching eyes, again, taking the first of many painfully deep breaths.

Gansey's hand rested on his shoulder, and Adam opened his eyes. "Thanks," he murmured.

"You can stay here as long as you need," he said softly.

Half expecting a protest, Gansey froze in surprise as Adam shifted closer to press their foreheads together. The peculiarly not unpleasant scent of the morning breath of the person in bed with you was something he'd never experienced before, and it struck Gansey as a gesture of trust. He carefully pressed a hand to Adams's neck, and felt a hand rest lightly on his waist.

The whole gesture made him ache. He ached for the younger, less lethal Ronan and the newer, more intense Blue, and the older, more lively Noah he'd never know. He ached.

They fell asleep like that together, and Ronan may or may not have seriously considered joining them when he emerged from his lair later that morning. Noah silently commiserated with him and Ronan skulked back to his room, aimlessly angry because why the fuck would he be jealous?

 


	5. PDA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue is an accidental cockblock.

Blue doesn’t know whether to be annoyed or embarrassed that she somehow ended up between Adam and Ronan in the back of the Pig. She knows exactly how to feel about Noah getting shotgun when he basically shrinks to fit his container.

It’s been a while since the box-kicking, and a while since she’s been alone with Adam, and very little time since he and Ronan started acknowledging each other’s stares. So she shuts up and listens and pays attention to her peripheral vision. At some point, she realizes the tension that she’d felt between her and Adam (which she’s starting to think may just have been her own egotistical invention) was gone. Or rather, it had been absorbed into the tension there always was. She was always wanting around her boys, and gasping without them. Orla gave her half-knowing, half-despising looks for it. Maura doesn’t even notice because she does the same thing with Calla and Persephone.

Chainsaw is croaking affectionately from Ronan’s pocket, and Blue suddenly can’t resist: “Can I hold her?”

Ronan slides her a curious glance and nudges Chainsaw out of her favorite coat pocket and into Blue’s tiny, cupped hands. The bird looks indignant that she was prevailed upon to move until Blue runs a slow, careful finger down her breast. She preens and Ronan chuckles, rubbing a thumb over her head. Chainsaw makes what sounds like a demented purr, and Ronan laughs. “She likes you better than Adam.”

Adam shoots him a dirty look, and Ronan grins. “It’s true.” He slings an arm behind Blue, which startles her until she realizes he’s petting Adam to soothe or annoy him. A glance at his face does not rule either out, but he doesn’t shake Ronan off.

“PDA,” Gansey says pleasantly, and Noah shoots a look at Blue like it’s her fault. She cradles Chainsaw, protecting her from this wicked slander, and sticks her tongue out at Noah. Chainsaw cackles at his injured huff.

“You aren’t even looking,” Ronan accuses.

Gansey flicks his crinkly eyes at the rearview. “I don’t need to.”

Adam tentatively reaches to pet Chainsaw, and she turns her fluffy little back on him, but doesn’t do anything to prevent him from smoothing two fingers down her back. Blue laughs.

“Attention whore,” Ronan says fondly.

Noah gives a loud, ironic laugh. Gansey and Adam giggle. Ronan scowls.

Blue lays her head against Ronan’s shoulder sympathetically. He looks over at her with a cocked eyebrow and meets Adam’s smiling eyes. Ronan gives a barbed smirk and pulls Adam to join them. Since Blue’s the smallest they mostly end up knocking heads over hers, but nobody’s complaining.

“Jesus, more PDA,” Gansey remarks, but everyone can hear a smile.

“You’re just jealous,” Adam says.

Gansey and Noah exchange sighs.

 


	6. too good to be true

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan is jealous.

Adam finally stirred at noon. Gansey didn't know why he hadn't left ages ago; he always had work or school work to do. Several times Gansey'd woken up expecting Adam to be gone, seen that he was still there, and drawn him closer, so when Adam woke he had to disentangle himself from Gansey’s arms and legs.

The movement woke Gansey, who only curled tighter around him. Adam smiled and sighed. He didn't want to leave. He wanted Ronan and Blue and Noah to join them, and he wanted to spend the rest of his life there. But he'd already practically spent half the weekend there and he really had to go if he was going to get to work in time.

"I have to go, Gansey." When he got no response but more constriction, he kissed Gansey's forehead. "Really." Gansey grumbled and let Adam go reluctantly. "See you later," he said quietly and tiptoed out the door like Ronan wasn't already awake. Gansey buried his face in the pillow at how despicably domestic and nevertheless satisfying that whole exchange had been.

"You never sleep this late," accused Ronan's voice from his doorway.

Gansey rolled over to stare at the ceiling. Adam happy, sleeping well in his bed, was too good to be true, let alone with a benevolent Ronan on top of it. "Neither does Adam," he pointed out.

Gansey could hear Ronan scowl. He realized that if Ronan was being an ass because he was jealous, that had not helped. He sat up and patted the bed beside him. "It's still warm."

Ronan smirked. He could make that stupid smirk of his do whatever he wanted; it could be amused, it could be vindictive, it could be excited, it could be bitter. This one was grumpy. But he stalked across Monmouth's second floor and dropped down onto the mattress beside Gansey.

"What's the matter?" Gansey asked, since he knew he was getting an answer no way but the most unexpected, which was the most direct.

Ronan side-eyed him. "Why'd he sleep in your bed?"

Gansey's immediate response was incredulous. What he said was calm. "I'd hazard two guesses. One is that my bed is closer to the door. Two is that he didn't want to face the reaction to whatever you saw last night."

Ronan snorted.

Gansey shrugged.

Ronan sagged against Gansey, and Gansey looked down at him curiously. Ronan's tired eyes met his and Gansey understood. All he wanted was Adam to love him. He was hurt, not cockblocked.

"He loves you," Gansey said quietly.

Ronan said nothing, just sat up and slouched.

Gansey stared at his menacing profile for a while. Frustrated, tired, full of love. Full of anger too, but fused inextricably with love. After a long moment of Ronan ignoring his staring, he drew Ronan's face toward him and kissed him, softly but surely. He remained there only as long as he felt he was needed, then withdrew.

When Ronan didn't speak he sighed. "I don't know why I did that," Gansey lied.

Ronan stood slowly and shut his door behind him, just short of a slam.

 


End file.
